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2006-10-31T06:27:00.000-08:00

我的心好痛...
没有想到他...
真的就这样离我而去...
以前的承诺成为泡影。
一切都是谎言！
说什么因为我才懂得爱，
会永远爱我、
会给我希望、
不会离开我...
他演得好逼真，
逼真到我都快要窒息了。

身边的声音好嘈杂...

听着你爱听的音乐、

看着你爱看的卡通、

不停地想你......

真的就这样结束了吗？

真的就这样...

在我们的爱情上...

画下句点吗？

你给的理由我无法接受。

什么“神要我去做牧师，所以我们分手吧”

这都是借口！

你为了和我分手，既然借用神的名义。

我恨你，恨不得把你杀掉！

为什么不干脆就对我说“我不爱你了！”

这样，我还比较容易死心。

为什么...

还要让我等下去...

为什么你还可以嬉皮笑脸地对我说笑？

一大堆的“为什么”压在我胸口

让我喘不过气...

你让我感到呼吸快要停止了

到底要怎么样...

才可以把你忘记...

2006-06-05T06:09:00.000-07:00

她永远都不会满意。
无论我做什么，她总是把我的辛苦看作毫不费力气。
我也是人，我需要休息。
我不想比，为什么每一次都拿我跟别人比......
我很累，不想继续下去......

想睡觉，可是每夜做的都是噩梦。

有时甚至还庆幸没有继续睡。

在这样下去，我不知道我几时会爆发出来。

我已经尽量忍耐了，可是撑得好辛苦。

看到镜子，不经就想分成两个....三个....四个....人。

每天以不同的人去承受压力，我才能活下去。

不然我会疯掉的！

想找人依靠，可是，却想不到任何人。

突然发现自己一直以来都是一个人。

最亲的妈妈，是压力的来源。

最好的朋友，把我当成利用品、竞争者、敌人......

最爱的人，痴心地爱着别的女人。

突然发现，陌生人还会对我笑......

哈哈，别人都觉得我很幸福。

我也觉得很幸福...........很悲哀...........

我有一个很爱我的妈妈，生怕我不能在这个现实世界生存，所以督促我读书。

她是我的全部。

没有她就没有我。

在没有人要我的时候，是她带我一起走下去。

虽然带着我路很难走，但是她没有放弃我，拉着我、拖着我，直到我能走、能看的时候，才慢慢的放手，不过她仍然会在身边看着我，指引我。

虽然她是为我好，但是我不知道她给的路是否正确。

她经常教我要小心，不要被任何人利用，就算最亲的人也要小心。

小心不要被人骗，不然下场很惨。

小心不要被人超越，一定要尽力而为，不然会被很多人看不起。

小心这个、小心那个，倒不如说人类是恐怖的，一不留神就会把你给吃到连骨头都不剩，到时候你连怎么死得都不知道。

没有人可信，就是说不能有谈心的朋友。

我的世界，只有我。

想去一个地方。

没有高楼大厦、没有汽车、没有人，只有一片花草和小动物。

听似简单，但根本找不到这种地方。

只有虚幻的世界才有。

但我追求这个地方。

我爱他，但他不爱我。

明知如此，但我还是不舍得放手。

因为我害怕.....害怕不会有人要。

不可以......我不想再被人抛弃。

我不喜欢被人不要的感觉!

到头来，我只是一个大白痴。

弄到自己身心疲惫，却什么都得不到。

但我要继续下去，能到多久就到多久。

我不喜欢心痛的感觉。

好害怕.....好痛苦......好难受......

每天担心受怕，怕哪天回到家，发现家里空荡荡，怎么叫、怎么喊，都没有人的踪影......

怕哪天接到他打来的电话，跟我说很多抱歉的话，然后提出我一直以来都不敢说的话......

一句就算我再怎么生气、再怎么伤心都不敢说的话......

我知道我很自私，把他绑得紧紧地，不让他喘气，可是我怕一放松，我就永远都看不到他了。

好累......

2005-10-04T22:14:00.000-07:00

10 Ways To Become A Gangster
First,find a group of gangster and ask them if you could join them.
Second,challenge one of the gangster and if you beat him,you might be invited into the gang,if you lose,they will look down on you,so you must train yourself first.
Third,buy things for them to win their heart.
Fourth,speak vuglarite when you do not felt happy about something.
Fifth,must always have a weapon with you.
Sixth,dye your hair colourful.
Seventh,smoke.
Eighth,beat the person that you do not like.
Ninth,always went home very late.
Tenth,do not listen to your teacher or parents.

If you done all this,you will be a gangster,you will lost your family's love;You respect from others;Your health will be affected;You might be caught by police when you are in a gang fight;When you do not have money,you will go to steal things;Without studies,you will not have the knowledge that even a primary school kid have. After these,you will become lost,friendless,hopeless and helpless

If even though you know these but you still want to be a gangster,you are really hopeless.

2005-07-26T21:15:00.000-07:00

About My Mother
About my personal account I hand in to you,may be you will think that it is foolish to do something like that.But can you image at that small age,the person you most relay on have lost trust in you and changed her attitude to you in a way she never did before?
I have no father since 6-years-old,but Im not sad.Instead,I am happy.He should be one who never be called a father as he is not suit to be a father.He never care about me.I could only saw him once a year since I knew how to talk when I was small as he said he have to work overseas.He had flew many countries that I did not know where he was everytime and how to contact him.If he went overseas was to work,it was fine with me.However,he went was to find women.I felt disgraceful to have such father.I felt pity for my mother,she has been tortured by my ex-grandmother.My grandmother has been telling her to do lots of stuff since she graduated at Master Degree from Japan.Actually,my mother could continue her study to higher standard,but my ex-father disagree,he said she needed to take care of me in Malaysia.So my mother gave up her higher standard of study.Actually,my ex-father was scared that my mother would over took him in study as my mother had always been having a higher standard of study than him.
Since my mother had came to Malaysia,my ex-grandmother had been telling her to do everything.Cooking,washing,moping,.......lots of things and her attitude towards my mother was like a maid,or even worse than a maid.I did not know how my mother bear it,after knowing mu ex-father was having an affair and treated in such manner.
After a few years,I knew the reason.It was because of me that she bear it all.She scared I would be sad without a father.I want to let her know that it is my fortune without this father.Everytime when he came back,he brought a lot of toys to me.May be to other child would think that it was a way how their father shows his love toward the child.However,I know,it was a way my father hind his guiltiness towards me and this was how he made himself thought that he had done his part as a father.This is all rubbish,what I want is a father both in pysical and mental.
After their divorse,my mother and I live together.She worked very hard to support me.But there were still some deceiver cheated my mother's money.However,she did not break down or let herself fell into misery.She fight with the deceiver bravly,and I admire her.
I love my mother.